I’ve never been very patriotic, but this July 4th, I’m definitely not celebrating (for many reasons you can probably easily guess).

Then, my mom sent me a message trying to connect and celebrate. And although I don’t agree with the message, I really appreciate what it helped me think about and feel. This was the message:

After reading the message and sitting with the frustration, confusion, and annoyance that it caused me, I decided to be curious and open instead of only feeling the frustration. I thought about why it made me upset and bothered me. I thought about why I don’t think it accurately reflects my perspective and feelings. I thought about how even though the message insinuates that I’m supposed to be grateful just like her, that I don’t need to be. I don’t have to believe the same way. I don’t have to celebrate this year (or ever again) if that’s what’s valuable to me. As I thought about all the people (including myself) who have been and are being hurt by the awful things happening in the world, and especially focused in the US right now, I was filled with strength that I’m not alone. I was filled with hope that we can celebrate something else and fight for each other instead of the broken systems surrounding us. We don’t have to support them or give them more power and more prominence in our lives. I felt that even though what I believe might be different from many others, it’s still valuable, and in many ways, very beautiful. Some tears were definitely shed (and I love a great tear sesh 😂).

Then I responded with the following message:

“I know you believe those things and I think you’re trying to connect with me, which I appreciate! But I see things differently and I hope you’ll honor them just as I’m trying to honor what you believe.

I’ll be thankful for our country when they show that they want to build cooperatively rather than violently coercing people to comply and prioritizing the rich over everyone else. I’ll feel at peace when the people who are exploited and hurt every day no longer live in fear and can feel that same peace. I’ll celebrate freedom when the people next to me on the street and across town and anywhere in this nation and the world are treated with kindness and respect wherever they choose to live. When they’re given an equal chance to find happiness, safety, and purpose for their unique life. When these things happen, then, maybe I’ll be thankful. And then we can get to work on the things that will help society be elevated even higher.”

I hope my message is seen as curious and kind because that was the intent behind it. To share my different perspective while not being aggressive or rude towards hers. It’s pretty difficult to respond with kindness and openness to some things, but I’ve always tried to and (most days) I want to believe that the world would be better if more people were kind, curious, and open. I’m really glad I gave it space to feel all sorts of emotions; the frustration, the hurt, the confusion, and especially that I flipped it around and took a curious stance. So, even though I don’t agree with what my mom said, I’m glad that it helped me further strengthen my beliefs and to feel something special in a time where that’s difficult.

I truly hope that the world will become better for all people, and even though it’s painful, it’s worth questioning and creating change in the world. ✨