Recently I had a bit of a crisis that turned into a beautiful experience. I had been getting burnt out at work for months, over and over again without understanding what was going on or how to change it.

It was absolutely exhausting. 😣

Then one day after months of trying so many different things and feeling like it was continuing to get worse instead of better, I knew what I needed to do.

I realized that I had been putting too much passion into areas that didn’t deserve that level or intensity of my energy and passion. I was giving so deeply of myself without feeling it was valued at the same level of depth. That’s a terrible feeling!

You see, in general I’m a person that lives fairly passionately. I like to challenge tradition, I like to seek out change rather than push against it, I like to create new vibrancy and constantly evolve. Constant evolution is one of my core values and I value it a lot! Without it I feel stuck, bored, stressed or meaningless. I don’t like to do things just because “that’s the way they’re done” and I don’t believe “it is what it is” cuz it’s literally what we individually and collectively make it. While there are certainly things outside of our locus of control, the things we can control are often the most valuable. And I believe it’s meaningful to intentionally design my life experience and keep trying to refine it!

So, in general I’m always trying to ask questions, make small or big changes, refine processes, and just craft something beautiful in every part of my life. I believe everyone deserves the same.

But sometimes other people don’t seem to engage on that level. Sometimes people don’t want to change or talk about how to make things different. It confuses me, but I also want to understand. What’s really challenging is if I feel like my efforts to create change and improve things for myself and others are consistently being blocked, disregarded or actively pushed aside. That’s what had been happening at my job for a very long time. I tried so many different approaches to collaborating, opening up conversations, identifying areas to improve. I knew that there were other people struggling and that collectively we wanted change but for some reason getting there was too much. But I kept pushing! I kept putting in that passion where it was being shut down or overlooked and it was crushing my soul.

That sounds dramatic and maybe it is, but that’s really what it felt like. 😂

When I realized this I decided that I didn’t have to continue to push for things that other people didn’t want to support. I realized that I don’t have to pour my passion and soul into spaces that didn’t have energy to give back. I decided that I could step back, let go, and that maybe if I put my energy and passion into things that would grow and feel rejuvenating to me that I would also grow. 😌

WOW!! What an incredible journey it was. Almost instantly I started to feel more relieved. But it wasn’t over. I needed to keep reminding myself of letting go, of stepping back and letting other people take responsibility for things that they’re responsible for. I realized that I was doing a lot of things out of anxiety and that I didn’t have to do that. I started to feel like I had space and energy to give to the things that mattered to me again. I could focus on the things that were meaningful to me much more.

I’m still trying to keep evolving here, and sometimes I still catch myself pushing too far or giving too much passion. But I’m so happy that I gave myself space to evolve and try something bold. I always want to have space to try bold things for myself and others. I know that as I keep relying on my core values that I’ll keep learning and finding the space and energy that I need.

Here’s to that future! 🫰🏼